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commiting every artistic sin

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but at a new journal.
if you comment i will add you.
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The most ironic thing EVER

I am standing at the front at work today. For those of you who don't know, I work at Rave, one of the trashier stores our mall has to offer featuring t-shirts that have sayings such as "if you're rich, i'm single". I don't know why I work there. Anyway, I was working the front which means I stand at the entrance and as meaninglessly as humanly possible I greet and say goodbye to everyone entering and exiting.

Well, the store was pretty empty, as it normally is so I was refolding, possibly for the thousandth time one of the stacks of t-shirts we have on this table in the front. I am trying to focus on the song playing because it is the only one I half like, "such great heights" by the postal service. Let me tell you, it's a nice break from mariah carey for the eleventh time in a row. Unfortunately, it was pretty hard for me to focus on the song because my coworkers were screeching at me in spanish, even though I have informed them a least two dozen times that I do not know spanish. Yes, I understand that my name is Racquel, which is typically a hispanic name, but that doesn't mean that I automatically know spanish.

I randomly grabbed the next stack of t-shirts to refold, that I only glance at for a second, long enough to recognize it as the most hideous shade of orange I have ever seen. That's when she walked in. Let's call her Jane, which actually sort of fits her more than her real name, but that is besides the point. I was sleeping with her boyfriend. I mean I'm not now, but I was previously. Well, eventually guilt got the best of her boyfriend and he came clean to her. So Jane, understandably, hates me, I mean it's the kind of hate where she would laugh if I was hit by a car. 

Well, she walked into Rave, with some girl who I believe is her sister. I had to greet her, even though I really wanted to just hide behind a mannequin, I'm not proud of what I did, but there was no way around it, my manager was right there. So there it went: "Hi! How are you today? Well, just to let you know all of our satin tops are on sale for $9.99 today." She looked up at me, I braced myself for the worst, but she just smiled and said "thank you". I went right back to folding those ridiculous orange t-shirts. I could feel how red my face was. She left and I told her to have a good night. I don't know whether she recognized me or not, after all she has only met me in person once and that was over a year ago, when I was dating one of her friends. But I folded the last t-shirt of the stack and I really looked at it for the first time and the words wrote out "get dirty" and I laughed to myself for a long, long time.

Current Location:
Office
Current Mood:
cranky cranky
Current Music:
Refused- Liberation Frequency
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This is me updating for Lisa. Hi Lisa.

Okay well, hmm, last night I went to the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was fun. 

I'm in a bad mood because I never hear from Dale anymore, not that I should. I mean we aren't anything, but I thought we could have been something. It would have been nice. Apparently, he didn't think the same. 

Aaron is a douche bag, as usual. 

And let me remind you that I now write here: http://leftanduturns.blogspot.com/  not that I have anything interesting to say.

Current Location:
Home
Current Mood:
crappy crappy
Current Music:
nothing
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does anyone want to drive me and Kristina out to Pasadena to see my friend graduate on Thursday? I will supply gas money. But I am scared to drive out there myself. I am not the best driver...eeek.
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A list of (10-20) things you want to say to (10-20) different people.
Do not state who these people are. 
Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation. 

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1. you think I don't hate you. You think I'm just kidding around. But I really kinda do. you keep hurting my feelings and I hate you for it, but I always come back and always probably will.
2. I am madly, crazily in love with you, and you say you feel the same. But it's obvious that you don't. So please, cut the shit. Just be real with me for once. Stop constantly trying to spare my feelings.
3. you are self centered and don't give a shit about any one else. but that's kinda why I like you.
4. I think you are hot.
5. You annoy me and are too happy about everything. just shut the fuck up for once.
6. you really need to think about what you say, before you say it, because you are kind of a jerk.
7. I know you replace me a lot. I'm not special, I just fill the void momentarily.
8. I'm secretly in love with you, but you have this girlfriend. And I've never really spoken to you. So really I'm just obsessed in a creepy, stalker kind of way. but you are so cute.
9. You need to stop thinking that you know me.
10. Somewhere along the lines, you turned ghetto.
11. You always talk about how ugly you are, but I think you are the prettiest girl in the world.
12. Your taste in music sucks, so stop bragging about it.
13. You think you are filled with all of this insight, and you think you are this individual person, and so artistic. you had me thinking that for a while too. But really you're just a faker. and your hair got ugly. and you need to grow up and do something with your life.
14. I hate working with you.
15. You told me that you were going to stay a virgin until you were married, and then I found out from your boyfriend that you guys have been fucking. For some reason, that made me not hate you as much. But I still hate you a lot.
16. I think you hate me.
17. I have had this thing for you for as long as I can remember knowing you.
18. You're a slut and that is the only reason we are friends.
19. I totally led you on and treated you like dirt, but I don't really feel that bad because you let me do it. Grow a back bone.
20. I'm kind of scared that you will get so angry that one day you'll kill me. That why I have to start cutting you out of my life now.

 

Current Location:
Home
Current Mood:
bored bored
Current Music:
Death Cab for Cutie- A lack of color
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I am celebrating my birthday with Kristina today. Everything is a surprise; I am not patient enough.

Things that have happened since my last update
+I got in a car wreck
+I got in a fight with people whom I am close to
+I broke up with my boyfriend.
+I decided to move on.
+I lost my glasses.

Current Location:
Home
Current Mood:
listless impatient
Current Music:
Copeland-Love is a fast song
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So lately, I have been just feeling a lot more grown up. Maybe there isn't much logic in me thinking that way, but I feel it nonetheless.

I have a job. I have a boyfriend. I have dependable friends, who care about me. I have a car. I [will] have money. It's starting to feel like things are finally coming together.

But you know what's funny? Even though everything is great right now, and I feel independent and lovely, with a tug of a string one person could totally ruin that for me. I hate having to care so much, and I told him that. It made me really sad that he feels the same way.

I don't know what to do in this situation. I mean, I can't wait forever; it's been over a year. Nothing is going to bring us together, nothing will ever progress from this moment. I know all of that. But I feel like I care too much about him to let go. The only way for me to fall out of whatever it is I am, is for us to stop talking. I promised him I wouldn't, and I don't know if I can anymore. I might need him now.
Current Mood:
crazy crazy
Current Music:
Bayside-Don't call me peanut
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I am in love. again.

He is a cute boy with a girl's name and wears the same clothes everyday. ♥

Current Mood:
optimistic boy crazy
Current Music:
Rilo Kiley- Rest of my life
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